Creating Unshakeable Self Confidence
This podcast teaches women just like you to have the self confidence to express who you are so that the world KNOWS you just by looking at you. Style is the outward expression of the way you feel about yourself on the inside. There is a confident stylish woman inside of you, and as your style coach, it’s my job to help you find HER. So you can look stylish and feel confident every single day. I invite you to learn more by visiting me at sheribrasier.com
Creating Unshakeable Self Confidence
115. Embracing Self-Care: Transforming Life Through Personal Style and Coaching w/ Meg Hemmert
What if putting yourself first wasn’t selfish but the secret to living your best life? Meet Meg, a spirited single mom from The Woodlands, Texas, who turned her post-divorce chapter into a journey of empowerment. In this chat, she shares her passion for coaching women through tricky relationships and helping them reclaim their happiness. With her love for travel, fitness, and fab fashion finds (hello, Ever Eve!), Meg’s vibrant personality lights up the room.
We’ll dive into how self-care and personal style can totally transform your well-being. Forget the idea that focusing on your looks is “too much”—Meg shows how it’s actually a power move that helps you tackle life with confidence. She dishes on setting boundaries, finding joy in life’s little indulgences, and how those small, intentional choices can uplift you and set an amazing example for the people around you.
And we’re not stopping there—Meg also opens up about the game-changing role her life coach has played in her journey. With support, honest feedback, and a little push to grow, Meg has embraced her personal and professional evolution like a boss. This episode is all about celebrating self-care, owning your style, and discovering the magic of having someone in your corner. Tune in for a fun, feel-good convo about turning life’s challenges into a thriving, empowered life!
About Sheri Brasier:
Welcome to Creating Unshakeable Self-Confidence, the podcast for ambitious, stylish women ready to elevate their personal style and professional success. I’m Sheri Brasier (Bray-zure), a wife, boy mom, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, Advanced Certified Life Coach, and Personal Stylist.
For years, I felt stuck in my own style struggles. Balancing motherhood, running a business, and navigating leadership roles left me feeling like my wardrobe—and my confidence—no longer reflected who I was. I know what it’s like to feel frumpy, uninspired, and unsure of how to step boldly into a room. But I also know what it’s like to come out the other side, rediscovering my unique style and building the unshakeable self-confidence I needed to thrive.
Now, I’m here to help you do the same. I’m certified through the Life Coach School and Advanced Certified in Faith-Based Coaching with Jody Moore. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of teaching in various coaching programs, presenting at Pinners Conferences across the nation, training employees in business workshops, and guesting on multiple podcasts.
In each episode, I’ll share the style secrets and mindset shifts that transformed my life, helping you create a polished, authentic look that empowers you to show up as the best version of yourself. Together, we’ll tackle mental roadblocks, rediscover your brilliance, and unlock the confidence to step boldly into y...
okay, meg, thanks for being here today. Thank you for coming on me. Um, tell me all of the things. I want to know, all the things where you live. If you're married, do you have kids? How long have you lived there? What do you do for your business? What's your niche? What do you coach on? Uh, what all right? What do you hate? Do you have style like all of it? Tell me all the things.
Speaker 2:Style like yeah all right, um, I live in houston, texas, close to it, I live in a suburb in the north of houston called the woodlands. Okay, um, I've lived here for 12 years. I love it. It's an amazing place to live. I am divorced. I have three kids. I am a full-time single mom. I've got a son who's a junior in high school, a daughter who's a freshman and a sixth grade daughter also Awesome, yeah, uh, I love my life. I am so happy. Um, I love that. Yeah, I, um. I coach women mostly who have left toxic partnerships um, anywhere in their divorce separation still, ex-husbands still affecting them more than they'd like, or deciding whether or not to leave a relationship, all of it. That's what I coach on mostly. Um, I, let's see. I. I love traveling. If I could just pick up with my kids and move to Europe, I would. I love to exercise. I go to a pure bar class every morning at 530, which I don't love getting up that early, but it just is the only time I can make it. Yeah, amen.
Speaker 1:I hear, I hear you so most days we go anyways.
Speaker 2:Yep Um gosh Okay Style Um tell me how.
Speaker 1:Tell me how style has influenced your professional life. Okay. Like if I give you a prompt like that, is that easier for you? Sure, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I feel like my professional life is a lot like my personal life and I just feel like I'm doing all sorts of different things all day long and I used to feel like, okay, well, if I work out in the morning, then I don't have time to take a shower and get myself ready, like what does it matter? Nobody cares, it's fine, but it turns out it does matter to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does matter and I care Right.
Speaker 2:And I like getting dressed, yeah, and I like picking out clothes and I love shopping, and I know there are a lot of people that are like, oh, this is the worst, how can you? You know I love it? Yeah, I would shop for other people for a job. It's the funnest job ever. Enough people would hire me.
Speaker 1:I would do that for my job too. Well, you can. You can come and shop with me for my clients. I would totally love it. All right, it's the best.
Speaker 2:I have a new favorite store. Oh, that's one of my best friends introduced me to that I'd kind of seen pop up, but she lives in a Dallas suburb and this store, she said this, is the best one that I've ever been to in person. Let's go, my life will never be the same. Oh, you got to tell me it's called Ever Eve Ever. Eve, do you know this? Store Ever Eve. No.
Speaker 2:E-V-E-R-E-V-E. Okay, it is the best, most dangerous store I have been to in a very long time. And do you remember that show Was it called what Not to Wear, with Stacey and Clinton? Yes, yeah, yeah, that's the store that I would pick to say like okay, you have to buy a whole new wardrobe. Okay, no problem, that's where I'm going, and I would find I could fill my entire closet with clothes only from that store.
Speaker 1:I love it. Check it out. It's totally your vibe. It's fantastic. I love it. Tell me, tell me why I'm going to pull it up as we're talking about it, cause I want to see what you see.
Speaker 2:Um gosh, I don't even really know why. I just feel like when I went there the first time I it was like I was in Toys R Us as like a little kid, where I was like, ooh, look at that over there. Ooh, do they have that in my size? Oh, oh, look, you know. And I just kept like rounding the store again and again and picking up more and more and more and more things, and most of what I tried on I was like, okay, well, I can't buy all of this. What am I going to pick?
Speaker 2:So they have a lot of brands that I just generally like and it was at a price point that I prefer and where, like, they had different. They have different labels and brands that are kind of in that price point where, you know, the shirts were anywhere from $40 to, I mean, you could find that you can find them up to like 200 plus, but most tops are under a hundred dollars. And then, and they even had like cut from the cloth down up to mother and those other more premium brands. But I just, whoever is the buyer for EverEve is fantastic. Kudos to that person whoever that is.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm looking at their brands and they do have some really great brands. They got some good ones, yeah, and to have it all in one place is beautiful.
Speaker 2:Spanx.
Speaker 1:Yep Rome, yep, yep Good American New Balance. Yep, uh-huh, it's beautiful banks. Yep rome, yep mm-hmm. Yep good american new balance.
Speaker 2:Yep um your georgiana, yep mother they have pistola, which I love, and gosh I mean. I'm trying to think of like they have their own store brand as well, which I also really like and have been happy with. Um, I just love it. It's like a, a put together, but not so fancy that you can't like go to the grocery store after you do calls or have whatever else you need to work on that day yes, I, I've got their, their website pulled up and it's just very intentional.
Speaker 1:Yes, so, like their sweaters, are this the way they're cut and the way they're they're constructed? It doesn't look just like a sweater.
Speaker 2:Right, it looks like a piece.
Speaker 1:Yes To your outfit. Yes, yeah, like the one that I'm looking at right now. It's kind of a turtleneck, but it's not just your regular turtleneck, it's got a bigger cuff on the neck, the shoulder kind of has a little bit of a drop down shoulder with a little bit of a cuff on the sleeve. So just a little bit extra that you still feel like you're in a nice cozy sweater. But you look cute, look stylish. Yeah, just up-leveled, comfortable clothes that fit really well. Also, yes, jeans are super cute.
Speaker 2:Yes, they have lots of great shoes, also dresses they're just killing it.
Speaker 1:They are killing it. They are killing it. I actually, now that I've gone to this website, I'm like this looks familiar. I think I've shopped here for clients. Yeah, maybe you have. I worked for a stylist in the beginning of my styling career and, um, I think one of I think she sent me this website to shop for one of her clients yeah, it looks familiar to me I just love it yeah yeah, and it, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a great store.
Speaker 1:it I like it. I would shop there for sure. I'd probably find all kinds of stuff there for myself.
Speaker 2:It's a good thing that the closest one to me in person is downtown Houston, so it takes me almost an hour to get there.
Speaker 1:I can't just go on my lunch break Stop in Right. Yeah, that's awesome. So tell me about um. Tell me where's my thing. Um, tell me about your clients. Tell me who your ideal client is. I mean, you told me what they're going through and you know all of the things. What are they? Besides, their relationship with their husband is a dumpster fire, right? What is? What do they think about? What's their concern?
Speaker 2:Well, their concerns are a lot of like what's going to happen when I leave this marriage, or am I ever going to feel safe again? Am I ever going to feel secure? Am I ever going to have enough money?
Speaker 1:Am I ever?
Speaker 2:going to be able to do anything other than just survive as a single mom, or is this going to take over my life forever? Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:And a lot of them are in survival mode and are still else as well or are just tired of feeling terrible most of the time and where their baseline that feels normal to them is hardly getting any sleep at night, because she wakes up eight times a night and her mind immediately is on again and spinning on all the worst case scenarios, and so she's tired all the time and she just doesn't know know how to get out of that and um, and so we work on improving our relationship with ourselves and learning how to like ourselves again, or sometimes really even for the first time.
Speaker 2:Uh, we work a lot on boundaries how to set healthy boundaries and how to hold them and not look to anybody else to respect our boundaries. Mm, hmm, mm, hmm. And we talk about figuring out what, what you even like and what do you want for your future, what you even like and what do you want for your future. We, we tend to when we're in situations like this, we're so focused on recognizing what we don't want and trying to stay away from that or get, get away from that, stay away from that or not create that. But it's harder to move into the space of okay, well, yeah, you don't want that, but what do you want?
Speaker 1:Do you find that women that are in relationships that are toxic and and controlling and maybe even abusive, that are hard like that, do you feel like they have? They are lacking the ability to even go there in their brains?
Speaker 2:Yes, sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yes, that they just can't even.
Speaker 2:things are so bad that they just can't even get there yeah, yeah, so we do a lot of work with like okay, well, let's just imagine you could go there. What would that look like? And and I love the idea of and I've done this a lot with myself like what does future Meg? What does she wear when she wakes up in the morning? What is she doing and why does she choose this outfit? What is it about her life that makes this a good choice, rather than just staying in her workout clothes all day? Why is she getting dressed and why does that seem like a good idea or a worth it idea? And who's it even for? Or what are we doing? You know, like all of that imagining it and just kind of like pulling apart the knots of this is what your life looks like and it's always going to be like this. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so how do you think coaching? What are the like if there were? What are the like if there were? If somebody was here listening was like, um, she might have just described me, what could coaching do for me? Anyway, like, what do you even do? How are you gonna change that as a coach?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's a great question and I the great thing about it is I'm not going to change it as the coach, and you know that what? I cannot change that. But I think a couple of things. I think there's such huge power in someone even suggesting the possibility of something different. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And a lot of who we sometimes intentionally, other times unintentionally the people that we are opening up to in those really challenging times where we feel so fragile. Those people they're not the ones who are going to suggest different possibilities to you. Those are the people that are just going to listen and they're going to validate and they're going to tell you that's so hard, I'm so sorry. Or maybe they're going to suggest to you well, did you do this? Or maybe you should try this, or why don't I take the kids for you? And you can have a night off. And then you just find yourself like, well, I don't even know what to do. I guess I'll just go home and do laundry and catch up on that. Or, you know, it takes an outside person to even suggest that there might be something different for you. We're afraid to even dream of that on our own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. Yeah, have you, yeah, have you talked to any of your clients about, um, their wardrobes and their style, and if that's a component that they think would be? My question kind of stems from there's so many things that are so triggering in a situation like this that I, and I don't know, maybe this would even be more triggering, but for me I'm like, maybe we should just find you a cute outfit, like, doesn't that sound like more fun? Wouldn't that be something that would be, something that would would maybe open up a possibility, or do you think it would be like, oh, that's the last thing that they want to do.
Speaker 2:No, I think it depends on the person. I think most of my clients would say, well, one I don't even have. I don't like anything that I have right now and I don't have time to find something new or that feels like a luxury in even either time or money, and they're the last person on the list whose needs or wants get to be filled. And that seems like the starting point and I get it. I've been there too. But it doesn't do any favors to anybody if mom gets put last all the time. Yeah, mm-hmm, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, while I definitely believe in the power of feeling good in what you're wearing, I think that is so much more powerful than almost anybody even realizes. Oh yeah, and it's like you don't know what you don't know until you actually try it. You think that just feeling bad in your body or in your clothes or like that, that doesn't matter at all. You think, maybe, that everybody feels that way, or like that, that doesn't matter at all. You think, maybe, that everybody feels that way, or that that's just normal. Or you think, well, maybe other people can do that, but I can't do that because of this, this and this reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that it's. It really is kind of a an important and probably mind blowing thing to think about and to talk about that and I've been in survival mode, like I know what that feels like. There's a huge part of your brain that's consumed with all of the things that are happening and, ad nauseum, you're not sleeping.
Speaker 2:Like you said, there's all the things right and there is definitely I can relate to, and you want me to think about what I'm going to wear.
Speaker 1:Like you don't get it, lady, that's the least of my problems, yeah Right. But I also know because I've been in survival mode. I've been in stressful, hard situations. Everybody has it just looks different, right that, when I just pause for a second and put on something that makes me feel good, whether that's makes me feel pretty, makes me feel skinny, makes me feel tall, because I'm not very tall you know whatever, put on some heels.
Speaker 1:I love heels, and if I just am going to run errands, I'm going to run errands in a rock and pair of shoes. Yeah, because that's what makes me feel confident, powerful, beautiful, whatever it is right there. I look back at some of those times and I think those little moments of those times where I would intentionally do something for myself that made me feel good, made me feel beautiful, made me feel worthy, made me feel like I'm important, even those were the little moments that kept me going. Yeah, those were the moments that actually gave me the fuel and the gas to, to do the thing that I had to do. And if I could have in back then, if I could have had someone tell me, if you would just do that for yourself every day, you would be able to accomplish what you really, what your heart is wanting, which is peace really what your heart is wanting which is peace.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and, and when you say that it, it makes me think of something that I talk about a lot Um, and that is being more selfish. And a lot of people are like, oh, that's horrible, don't what I don't, I can't be selfish, that's. You know, that's morally bad, or you know, like, but, but really you have to be, you have to be and, and, ironically, the more selfish you are, the more capable you are of meeting everybody else's needs. You know, and it, it goes together beautifully. But we just think like, well, no, taking time or, you know, buying this new outfit or figuring out what I'm going to wear, or putting makeup on and doing my hair, like that's selfish, I don't have time for that right now. It, you know it doesn't matter, but it does actually.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it matters the most. Actually, it is the thing that matters the most, because no one else is taking care of you, nope?
Speaker 2:They can't, they can't, and even if they try, they do it wrong most of the time. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Like, if you think about, you have so much responsibility to take care of all of these things and all of these people and it's my responsibility to do whatever it is that you have on your list, right? Well, are you on someone else's list?
Speaker 2:No, not usually. I mean right, Like you have to be on your own list.
Speaker 1:Right. Like lucky for our kids. They're on our list.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, yeah, that's a beautiful point, right.
Speaker 1:And, lucky for me, I have a sister that I'm on her list. She cares about me, Right, but she doesn't take care of me, right?
Speaker 1:I take care of me, and if I don't even know what that means to take care of me, then no one's doing it no wonder I'm not sleeping, no wonder I have ulcers, no wonder I have headaches all the time, no wonder I have whatever is happening because no one's taking care of me, right? And so, like that, that's kind of mind blowing to think. Mm, hmm, I have a friend that we were talking about this. It's been years ago but I just like, when she said it, I cracked up and I it wasn't funny, but we laughed, right and she was talking about this, this um idea and responsibility of having children and and husbands and community things and just all the things that we have that are that are our responsibilities, right? And she said, you know, I have all of these things on my list and I have all these people on my list. And then I was like, wait, I didn't even make the list, I didn't even make my own list, I didn't even make it onto my own list.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think that's twofold. I think sometimes, sometimes it's really valuable to take a step back and be like wait a second. Sometimes it's really valuable to take a step back and be like wait a second. No, I am on my list, here's what I'm doing for me. I'm doing this and that helps in this way and this meets this need. Like, no, I'm on the list, Okay. But then other times when you can't even answer the question like, well, what would even be on the list? And sometimes we don't even know, we can't come up with one thing, and that is a big wake-up call when not only are you not on the list but you don't even know what would be on the list if there was a list.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah, this, this whole um business of being an entrepreneur, and especially in the field that we've chosen, which is life coaching and helping other people, it really is just getting a doctorate in self-awareness. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:and growth, yeah, and sometimes it's really painful lots of times it's really painful, um, but it has. It has made me ask myself some of those hard questions. It has made me answer some of those hard questions and in answering those hard questions it has shown me who I actually am, and sometimes that has been scary for me. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it's been sad. Yeah, like, hmm, it turns out that's not who I want to be. Yeah, it turns out I didn't really know that that's who I was and I don't want to be that. I don't want that to be part of my life, right? Yeah, and the things that have been scary for me have been um well, I'll just give you an example Um, I just went to Paris. Speaking of Europe, I love Paris, yeah, and I never in a million years thought that I would ever go to Europe. It's something I always wanted to do. I always thought that would be great and thought that would be fun, but it's like, oh, yeah, that's not not something that I would ever be, able to do that's not for me.
Speaker 2:Other people can make that happen, but not me, but not me.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, and I was sitting in this little cafe in Paris and I was like I'm in Paris, what is happening? What is this happen? Right, yeah, and I mean there's the well, you bought a plane ticket and then you got on the right, you had a little like there's all that right, like, okay, I know that, but how did I allow myself to be here, how did I allow myself the permission to take 10 days, to take a flight by myself to Paris, internationally, a passport, all the things that are needed.
Speaker 2:Did you go?
Speaker 1:by yourself the whole trip. No, I was meeting. I met my brother and his wife and then some friends, some mutual friends of ours. Their daughter was getting married.
Speaker 1:And so we went we went for their for her wedding. Oh, okay, their daughter was getting married and so we went. Okay, we went for their for her wedding. Oh and okay. So I live in idaho, brother lives in utah, our friends live in florida, um, some family members from other places in the united states and actually in europe. We were all meeting in paris for the wedding and so we were all coming from different places, and I was.
Speaker 1:I was flying from Salt Lake City to Paris on my own, by myself and you did it. I was the only. I mean, there were other people that were in the group, that were on that flight, but I didn't know who they were. I didn't know them. Okay, like when we got there, we're like oh yeah, we were on that flight, but I didn't know who they were. I didn't know them.
Speaker 1:Okay, Like when we got there, we're like oh yeah, we were on the same flight, oh, yeah, yeah, um and so, but, but for me, I traveled alone, I, I was, I was on my own and um and I you know all of the things I think about um, the logistics of it all and how, how I would leave my family for 10 days and be in another country and all you know the phone, and I had to get another you know a phone plan so that I could get a hold of like just all of that stuff. 10 years ago I would have been like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't do hard, never mind.
Speaker 1:I don't deserve it. Oh yeah, like what? Like who do I think I am like you don't get to just go to Europe and spend the money and take the time and take the time off work and whatever else that comes up in that. And so I'm sitting in that little cafe that was the cutest little cafe eating the most amazing food, right with my best friend and her family, my my brother, my sister-in-law, and I was like how did this happen? How did I get here? What in the world? And a little voice said to me like you took time to know what you, what you enjoy, what you like and what you want.
Speaker 1:And back then, when I started this journey of self-development, I didn't say, and one day I'm going to be in Paris, right, that that wasn't, that was not even in the hemisphere of the radar. Like, not even. But evolving and getting the help and the coaching and doing the work on my own mind and asking myself those hard questions and making myself answer them, and going through that and going through that, I, I created a scenario where my friend said Sydney's getting married in Paris, september 2024. And I was like what are the dates? I'm getting my ticket today. I'm there and I and I never looked back. There was never. There was never a time when I was like maybe I shouldn't go.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that, I love that, maybe I should stay home and take care of the kids.
Speaker 1:Right, no, you made the right choice. Maybe I shouldn't inconvenience my husband.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, right.
Speaker 1:I just didn't. Oh yeah, not that it wasn't hard on everybody, like it was hard on everyone. I'm not saying that it wasn't, but there was this. I deserved it. That is hard for a lot of women to say. I actually have a client right now that we are working on. She has a hard time with the word deserve, like I don't, I don't know, deserve, I don't know.
Speaker 2:it's hard yeah, well, because deserve often means in our brains that if I have that, it means somebody else can't. It's like an either or instead of both, and If I deserve it, so do you. Right right. Just because you deserve it, it doesn't mean that everybody else doesn't also deserve it. But that's not where our brain goes. Sometimes it's like there's not enough for everybody, and so if I'm doing this or taking this, then it's taking away from somebody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, where does that come from?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean, I think we're just so generally hardwired for scarcity. I would agree, you know. Or especially as moms or women, selfish is bad or doing things that you want to do just because you want to do them, that is not virtuous. Yeah, interesting, right, yeah, and so that deserve is like Ooh, no, no, like deserving something as is prideful or boastful, bragging or you know where, like okay, well, if you don't deserve it, who does? Yeah, right, why do they deserve it, it and not you? Or does nobody deserve it?
Speaker 1:yeah, like they're someone's going on the trip and they don't deserve it.
Speaker 2:Right like they shouldn't be there because they don't deserve it either yeah, and a lot of times like, if you ask that question, people are like, oh no, no, they should totally go, but not me, I don't deserve that yeah, but I do think that there's people like well, why does she get to do that?
Speaker 1:who does she think she is right? He just is too big for her britches yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, right, yeah, man, here we are, uh-huh.
Speaker 1:But I really think that that comes back to your own self-confidence, your own self-image, your own what you feel like you deserve, because I think we project that If I don't deserve it, neither do you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's wild, yeah, because I mean, that's really what self-confidence is is. It's not about anybody else, mm-hmm, which is so hard to do and to really internalize, because we're so good at comparing ourselves to everybody else and everything else and making sure that we're not acting like we're better than somebody else or downplaying our strengths and you know all these things that just don't serve anybody. There's room for everybody. There's room for everybody's strengths. There's room for everybody's weaknesses. There's just room for it all.
Speaker 1:And do you know what I found with my own self, and I find it with my clients as well, and I've found even with my my own relationship with my husband, yeah, but when I am selfish right in quotes people that are on the podcast can't see my fingers Right, when we are selfish and we take care of ourselves and we do whatever thing that is for us, you ask your husband to put the kids to bed and you take a bath Yep, let's say right. Or you take the. You take $100 out of the budget so that you can go shopping to get something for you. Right, because that's a big one.
Speaker 1:Yep, yes it is shopping to get something for you, right, because that's a big one. Yep, yes, when you allow yourself to do that and you give yourself permission to do that, and the only reason that you give yourself that you can, that you are allowed to think, is because you matter, that's the only reason that you get to think I'm in this bathtub because I matter, I am in the store and I want this right now.
Speaker 1:Yep, I am in the store, buying whatever it is that I'm buying because I matter and what I want matters Not. Well, I deserve it because I did X, y, z or or whatever, and all those qualities right right, right right yes, the only reason that you get to give yourself is that you matter and that you like it and you want it, and that's it.
Speaker 2:When I started doing that for myself, I started to be a better mom, oh yeah and I started to be a better wife, yes, a better friend, better friend, a better coach, a better, all the things, and you know what.
Speaker 1:I stopped being so resentful. Mm-hmm well, because now you're on your own list so when you take care of you, it turns out you can take care of everyone else better yep yep 100 agree it's wild. I would have never. I mean I don't want to say never. It would have been really hard for me to understand that eight, ten years ago, where I was at in my life. That would have been hard for me to understand yeah.
Speaker 2:Where it just feels so unachievable or so unbelievable. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, yeah, but I I think it's just little little things that you, that you think are little. They're actually big little things that you can agree to tell yourself, like you can agree Okay, I deserve whatever simple thing a diet coke today yeah because I matter, yeah, right, yep.
Speaker 1:Or I deserve to have this blow dryer that blow dries my hair. Because I matter, yes. Whatever. Just seemingly small things. You can just start to notice that you do have things that you enjoy, that you like, that make your your life better, that you do for yourself, and if we can just start acknowledging those things, it will make it a lot easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean, something that I haven't done until pretty recently regularly is get my nails done and I like it and that doesn't matter at all. Yes, yes, I can't do the long nails.
Speaker 1:I've had fake nails for 30 years probably, I don't even know hey, I am not made for that.
Speaker 2:I can't, I cannot get used to that but, I've been getting shellac manicures and I like it and it makes me happy and there's no other reason other than, oh, I, oh, I like having nails that look good all the time, even though I'm still doing a ton of dishes and cooking and baking and cleaning, and I need something that's going to stand up to that, because regular nail polish sure doesn't, and I don't want to be painting my nails every other day, and sure it's a luxury. Is it necessary? No, but I do it anyways, just because I want to and I like it.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm going to push back on. Is it necessary? Because it is necessary. If it makes you feel good about yourself yes, you're right. If it makes you feel good about yourself every time you look at right, if it makes you feel good about yourself every time you look at your nails and you're like, yeah, I did that for me, then it is necessary.
Speaker 2:Yes, and here's, here's another thing that that goes along with this. I have two daughters who would love to come and get their nails done with me, like every other week. And I say no because, like nope, if you want to get your nails done, you can bring your own money, like every other week. And I say no Because, like nope, if you want to get your nails done, you can bring your own money. Nope, this is just mom's thing. If you want to pay for it, great, otherwise, nope, you can't come. Sorry, sorry, yep, and I don't feel guilty about that at all, and probably in the past I would have. And is that selfish? Yeah, kind of is.
Speaker 1:And it's fine. Yeah, I think that it's always a good thing for us to realize what we like and what we are willing to sacrifice. I guess you could say Yep For our own mental, emotional, physical health, yes, just for our being. I think that we don't do that enough.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no. And I feel like the the more mentally and emotionally strong I get, the more needs I feel like I am in touch with. It's like the more needs that I have, the more needs that I let be met by myself the more needs that I let be met by myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love what you just said there about the more mentally and emotionally strong I am, the more my needs are met.
Speaker 2:Yes, because I'm the one meeting my needs and I have more capacity to meet my needs. The stronger I am Mm-hmm and, by extension, the more capacity I have to meet everybody else's requests or needs.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. And you know what else, too, like. The more mentally and emotionally strong I am, the more mentally and emotionally strong I am, the more clear I am about asking and knowing who to ask to fill those needs. Yes, because sometimes it's a need that I need that I can't fill myself. I need to ask someone to help me with that Right, and the more emotionally and mentally physically strong I am, the better I am at asking for that help. Yeah, and then I'm supported in the thing that.
Speaker 2:I need, yes, well, and the more to ask for it from a truly honest place, rather than hidden resentment or, you know, whatever else. However, else we ask for our needs to be met that's the biggest one. For me, for sure, is resentment, like you should be doing this for me, or if were a good whatever husband, son, daughter, you know, I mean, I don't ask very often my kids to meet my needs because they're just not very good at it yeah, you know but, sometimes the trash needs to be taken out yes, yes, but but again, like, that's not my responsibility, that's just a family job, like you know, that's not a need, that's just a family job.
Speaker 2:Like you know, that's not a need of mine that they're filling, that's just. This is what we do.
Speaker 1:Interesting we live in this house, right, but in order to get to that place and to have that opinion, you have to realize that it's not your job.
Speaker 1:Yes, right possibility, because there are a lot of women that like, well, I mean I have to do the dishes every day and I have to cook the meals and I have to take out the laundry. I have to do that. Like, does no one else live in your house? Like, why aren't you asking other people to do the things? Well, I, I couldn't ask them. Like I mean, it's my responsibility, yeah, right, yeah. And where you were just like, actually, the taking out the trash isn't my responsibility, that's a household thing and that's a privilege that you get to live in this house.
Speaker 2:Right, you got to be lucky that the trash people come and take it up every Wednesday. Now it needs to go out to the curve. Who's going to do it tonight? Because it's not me Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, but there's a certain amount of mental and emotional well-being that you need to be in in order to be able to have that be your idea, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and a lot of work went into that and a lot of intention and commitment, and it's so worth it.
Speaker 1:It's so hard, but it's so worth it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, it's, yeah, it's kind of the same thing like becoming physically strong really sucks when you're not strong yet and if you just keep going, it's going to get. I mean, I don't want to say easier, but like it gets easier to be committed to and it gets enjoyable.
Speaker 1:Well, I think, because then you have the by-product of it. Yes, if you don't ever do the thing that makes you strong, you don't ever get the benefits of being strong, right, and so then you don't have the benefit of being strong, so you don't want to do the thing that makes you strong yep yep, and so I mean. That's the whole thing. If you don't, if you've never, really practiced self-preservation. You've never really practiced having your own back. Yep, then that's going to feel really hard. It's going to feel hard to do it.
Speaker 2:It's hard, it's uncomfortable. The people around you are not going to like it. They don't like it.
Speaker 1:Nope PS. Everyone listening when you start to do things for yourself. Your people aren't going to like it.
Speaker 2:Nope, they're going to tell you you're selfish, yep, and you just get to say, yeah, you're right and I'm doing it anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those two girls told me that you'd say that and they told me to just keep going anyway, right.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Exactly, I was listening to this podcast and these two ladies said that you weren't going to like it when I started to take care of myself, and they said to do it anyway. So I'm going to do it anyway. That's fine. Yes, uh, funny. You know what, though? My husband has has started to do the things, too, for himself. Right, give himself the things that he actually wants, allow himself to have the things that he actually wants, yeah, yeah, and I mean yeah, like the people around us.
Speaker 2:Really, they don't know how lucky they are that they have people modeling what it looks like to take care of themselves. They're not gonna like it at first, but eventually it benefits everybody one yes, everybody, and not just in the like oh, that's actually not my mom's job to do all this stuff, and yeah, that served me really well to figure that out sooner rather than later. But also taking care of yourself matters so much.
Speaker 1:So much, so much. I mean really Just put on some earrings. Yeah, just practice putting on earrings. Yes, that's it. Yes, just see what happens. Put on some earrings.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Find a lip gloss you really like the color of.
Speaker 2:I got so many recommendations Right Find a lip gloss you really like.
Speaker 1:The color of. I got so many recommendations.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, a body spray. I mean, really, it could be so simple, gosh, okay.
Speaker 1:So this reminds me, last night I had the privilege of going to Sephora with my two daughters oh, lucky you, which is always a special outing A special kind of hell Right Like no, you don't need retinol, You're 12.
Speaker 2:You can't buy that, even if it's your own money.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that's hilarious, Like I wish I was kidding, but I'm sure not. I have returned several retinol products that they bought when I wasn't around, returned several retinol products that they bought when I wasn't around, anyways. So one of my daughters, my 14 year old, asked me as we were leaving Sephora one of my favorite perfumes is the Glossier you perfume and on the way out I noticed that they had two new scents, like variation of those, and they've only had the one for years. And I was smelling it on the way out and like, oh, I like that, oh, I like that, you know.
Speaker 2:And so we were leaving and my daughter said what occasions do you wear perfume for mom? Like, do you wear? You know? When do you decide you should wear perfume? What is it for? And I said I wear it every day and I wear it just because I like what I smell like when I'm wearing it. I don't wear it for anybody else and I don't have any occasions for it. I just wear it and you probably don't notice because you just think that's what I smell like Mm, hmm, Mm, hmm. But I just thought that was fascinating, that, yeah, even she was like oh well, what occasions would you do this for? Like what? Mm, hmm, every day, mm, hmm, for like what? Every day, like more often than not, I go to my 5 30 am workout class wearing that glossier perfume, just because I like to smell that and I like to smell like that, and it's sure not for anybody else, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I also think that we have to be careful with I see, a lot of the women's feminist, you know, whatever all of that stuff going in. You know, like happening, happening, and I think that we can we can get a little bit too far on the other side, because it would be like, well, why do you brush your teeth? Like? What occasion would you brush your teeth? Right? Um, every day. You want to preserve your teeth. You brush them every day, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:And we could take this to an extreme as well. Women, you know, don't get the liberty or the luxury of smelling good, because that's a luxury, right? Or we could say well, it's just like brushing your teeth, you do it every day. We like the way that our teeth feel when they're healthy, yeah, and we like the way we smell when we wear perfume, yep, and boys like what they smell when they wear cologne, like it's a hygiene thing, it's a, you know. But I think that some, not some, a lot of society takes things like that and puts them in a category of luxury, right, so that then we will beat ourselves up about it when we don't have it or when we do have it, or whatever. Blah, blah for sure, right when we want to spend a hundred dollars on perfume, or six hundred dollars on perfume? Yeah, because we're not worthy of it, right?
Speaker 2:right, we don't deserve it. Yeah, I just, I, I agree and I just think, the more we can normalize you wear perfume every day? Because no, I'm really not doing this for anybody else or any special occasion. It's not luxurious, it's not like it's, it's, it's not that big of a deal and it's just I just like it.
Speaker 1:I like smelling like this, but then, however, it is the hugest deal for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, it is. It is because it's just one small thing that adds up to something big that helps me be who I want to be. That helps me be who I want to be. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Love it. Yeah, I love it. This is the best conversation. It's been so fun.
Speaker 2:I feel like I've just been like.
Speaker 1:I know it's all in all the different trees, right? How fun is that. We just got to go to all the different trees as a squirrel.
Speaker 2:How fun is that? People are gonna be like what is, where are you going with this? What is even happening?
Speaker 1:well, I think that these, these conversations I did not have a whole lot of um, like rules around. It was just I want to have conversations with women because I think that there are lots of women that don't have friends and other women to have these conversations with. Yes, and so I love coaches. I think that coaches are fabulous, and I love all of the women business owners and not business owners, like I just love women, and so I thought this would be a fun thing to have conversations. So fun. My podcast, yeah, so yeah, thanks for coming. Um, I have one last question that I'm asking all my people, okay, my friends, let's hear it, yeah what does a wealthy woman look like to you?
Speaker 1:oh, oh gosh.
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel honestly like a little bit self-conscious because I feel like will she look like? I want to describe myself, I love that and I love that and and it's like, well, I do feel that way in a lot of ways. Tell me. I feel so. I feel secure, I feel loved by myself and by my people by myself and by my people and I feel so blessed and privileged to make a lot of really important decisions for myself and on behalf of my kids, and I feel safe and I feel like I have options of what I want to create in my life and in my family's life as a whole. And I just really do feel so abundant. And I have not always felt that way. I love that and, ironically, I used to have a lot more money.
Speaker 1:Interesting.
Speaker 2:And so it's really feeling wealthy has so much less to do with money than I ever recognized. And I do say I know. I do say that from a place of privilege where I live in a safe home, that I can have electricity and clean running water and my children go to safe schools and I don't worry about them walking home from school, and I recognize that that is wealth and privilege just on its own. But I also know that there is a lot of truth to the amount of money that you have does not create a wealthy mindset either.
Speaker 1:That is beautiful.
Speaker 2:That is awesome. Oh, I don't know. I mean, I feel like a little bit like oh my gosh, should I really just say this? Should I describe myself?
Speaker 1:But you know what that right there. I want everyone that's listening to really understand that the reason that you are able to even have yourself come up when I ask that question is because of the work you've done. Yes, yes, it's because of and when I say the work you've done, what I mean by that is you have asked the hard questions, you have made yourself answer them and you've gotten the help that you've needed. Yes, and you have put yourself in the seat that you matter. Yes.
Speaker 1:And that your help mentally, physically, emotionally matters the most? Yes, because you have little people, that you are responsible for Yep and that that that is exactly what we have been talking about in this whole episode. Right, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, I have had a one-on-one coach the same coach for almost almost four years really yes, do I know this coach? Jenny Hunter. Do you know her oh?
Speaker 1:I don't know her, okay. Is she in the policy? Is she? An.
Speaker 2:LCS coach? I don't know. Yes, she is. She is, um, I want to say her, uh, she has a membership now called um, lift and love, I think, um, and so I don't. I don't participate in her membership or any of her group things, but she's been my one-on-one coach for almost four years and I am not about to get rid of her anytime soon because she pushes me like nobody else does and I know how much she loves me and it is so valuable having somebody like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yep, she's your cheerleader, your champion, she's always got your back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, yep, and she's going to call me out on all kinds of garbage that comes out of my mouth, you know that's awesome.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. I love it. I love it. Yeah, thank you so much for being on my podcast, of course. Thank you so much. It was so nice to meet you, so fun to have this conversation. I've just loved meeting everybody and having these conversations are so good.
Speaker 2:I've just loved meeting everybody and having these conversations are so good. Same, same. I've loved it.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me. You are welcome. Thank you so much. Thank you.