Creating Unshakeable Self Confidence
This podcast teaches women just like you to have the self confidence to express who you are so that the world KNOWS you just by looking at you. Style is the outward expression of the way you feel about yourself on the inside. There is a confident stylish woman inside of you, and as your style coach, it’s my job to help you find HER. So you can look stylish and feel confident every single day. I invite you to learn more by visiting me at sheribrasier.com
Creating Unshakeable Self Confidence
119. Turning Challenges into Opportunities with Kamini Wood
Prepare to challenge your limiting beliefs and embrace the art of failure as a stepping stone toward growth. Through personal reflections and practical strategies, we discuss how turning challenges into opportunities can redefine your perspective on success. With Kamini's guidance, unlock your inner fashionista by transforming your wardrobe into a reflection of newfound confidence and style. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where stepping into your authentic self paves the way for endless possibilities.
Connect with Kamini here.
About Sheri Brasier:
Welcome to Creating Unshakeable Self-Confidence, the podcast for ambitious, stylish women ready to elevate their personal style and professional success. I’m Sheri Brasier (Bray-zure), a wife, boy mom, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, Advanced Certified Life Coach, and Personal Stylist.
For years, I felt stuck in my own style struggles. Balancing motherhood, running a business, and navigating leadership roles left me feeling like my wardrobe—and my confidence—no longer reflected who I was. I know what it’s like to feel frumpy, uninspired, and unsure of how to step boldly into a room. But I also know what it’s like to come out the other side, rediscovering my unique style and building the unshakeable self-confidence I needed to thrive.
Now, I’m here to help you do the same. I’m certified through the Life Coach School and Advanced Certified in Faith-Based Coaching with Jody Moore. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of teaching in various coaching programs, presenting at Pinners Conferences across the nation, training employees in business workshops, and guesting on multiple podcasts.
In each episode, I’ll share the style secrets and mindset shifts that transformed my life, helping you create a polished, authentic look that empowers you to show up as the best version of yourself. Together, we’ll tackle mental roadblocks, rediscover your brilliance, and unlock the confidence to step boldly into y...
All right, ladies, I'm just going to pop in here really quick at the beginning of this episode to let you know that I am working on something in the back end of my business and it's going to be epic. You guys are going to love it and it is coming soon. So I just want you to know. You're going to want to keep up on the podcast and follow my social media follow my Instagram, follow my Facebook because that's where it's going to come out first. And if you're not on my email list, you're going to want to be on my email list, because I always launch my new offers to my email list first and they always get a discount. So if you want a discount on all of the things, you need to be on my email list. And how you do that is you go to sherrybraziercom. There's a button that says start here. That's going to take you to the style basics every woman should have in her closet and get that guide, because that will help you, and then that will put you on my email list so that when I launch this super fun, exciting thing, you will be the first to know. So go to my website, sherrybraziercom, click the start here button and go get that style basics freebie and get on my email list so that you can know what's coming. It's so fun. I want to just tell you all about it, but I can't. It's not ready yet, but get excited.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Creating Unshakable Self-Confidence podcast. The podcast that teaches women just like you to have the self-confidence to express who you are so that the world knows you just by looking at you. Style is the outward expression of the way you feel about yourself on the inside. There is a confident, stylish woman inside of you and, as your style coach, it's my job to help you find her so you can look stylish and feel confident every single day. I'm your host, sheri Brazier. Let's dive in. All right, everybody, thanks for coming to the podcast today. Welcome to the Creating Unshakable Self-Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Sheri Brazier, and I have a special guest with me today and I'm excited to have this conversation. It's going to be a fun conversation to have. I have Kamini Wood here with me today and she is a human potential coach, and I am excited to hear what your definition of human potential coach is. So please tell us all about you and what you do and why you do it and who you help, and all of the things, all the things.
Speaker 2:Well, sherry, thank you for having me first and foremost.
Speaker 2:Yes, I do call myself a human potential coach, and what that really means is I am spending my days working one-to-one with individuals, helping them understand themselves on a deeper level so that they can live into the person that they would like to be and who they would like to become, and then fill those goals, whether they're professional or personal goals Right, but I want to start with the who you are, who you're being and who you want to become, because I believe that that's the core foundation of anything that we want to do and achieve, and it really is a heart centered project and a heart centered practice that I have, because it was my journey too.
Speaker 2:I spent years being a people pleaser, perfectionist, high achiever, all the things, and it was all about doing and achieving and over-functioning and giving to others and losing my sense of self, and coming back home to self was the shift for me. I mentioned to you, right before we hopped on recording together, that I'm a mom, and really being a mom was the thing that that mirrored back to me how I was showing up in the world and how I was leading my children and that was the catalyst for me to make that shift, to do the work to figure out what.
Speaker 2:what were those stories, what? How was I leading myself into that place? But then, as I did that, recognize that that's actually my calling is to help others figure that out for themselves.
Speaker 1:I love it so much. A couple of things that you, that you said, as as you were introducing yourself, that I would love to dive into is first, what does it mean to come back to self, like if someone isn't in the the personal develop the stage? Because my podcast is a lot about style. I'm a wardrobe stylist and a hairstylist and so it's a lot about style, but we do talk about personal development because this is, you know, that's how we create self-confidence is we have to understand who we are. But I have my definitions of what that means. But I would love to hear what when someone, when you say to someone, come back to self, what? If they don't understand what that means, how would you describe that?
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that question because you're absolutely right. If you're not in this world, it's not something that really resonates or makes a lot of sense. When I'm saying come back to self, what I'm really referring to is come back to and understand and realign and reignite with. What are your values, what's meaningful to you, what are your core needs and what really are the beliefs about self that will move you forward.
Speaker 2:Because what happens, I think, in life is we take on beliefs from other people or experiences we've had. We also tend to assimilate the values that were bestowed upon us, whether from our family of origin or from just society or the culture we were brought in up in, and so we don't really take the time to sit down and recognize or ask ourselves what is meaningful to me, what matters to me most, what drives me from my heart space and the third thing that I had mentioned, the needs. That's one that I think gets lost time and time again, especially as we're in this busy world. We're constantly looking for the next thing to do. We're not taking the time to understand. What do I need as a human being to move myself forward? What is it that I need to just feel fulfilled. What do I need to bring joy into my world? So when we're coming back home to self, we're realigning with those things.
Speaker 1:I love that, I love that. So tell me I don't know if you I'm sure you have a process of doing that what would be the, what would be the first thing that someone that maybe is? Cause, I'm assuming that, I'll say this first, I'm assuming that your, your clients are, um, you, you stated that they're high achievers, they're business people, they're doctors, they, they are very successful people, they. They are not home sitting on the couch, you know eating bonbons and you know letting the packages, you know stock up at the door, Right, Um, and so you have someone that is a high achiever. They have some success in their lives, but they aren't happy. But they should be happy because they have all of this success, Right, Right, Right. So they haven't really even admitted to themselves that they're not happy. They just, in the back of their mind, they're like there's gotta be something else that I don't know, Like is that what they say, yes, you're, you're spot on.
Speaker 2:Because most people don't sit there and say, well, I'm unhappy and I need some people. Do they know they've done enough personal development work or read enough books or listened to enough podcasts or like, oh yeah, I'm in this stage? Most people will come to me and they'll say I just I, I feel stuck, I feel stagnant, or they're just, or they're just to your point. They just say like I'm not, I just don't feel happy, I just feel blah. That's what I get a lot. I just feel blah. And so when that's the case, that's actually an invitation. Right, those feelings of blanness are actually an invitation to say, well, let me get curious. What's going on here? Again, we go back to needs. What is this blondness telling me I need? Because that's going to give you some insight.
Speaker 2:Most often it's the blondness has to do with I've been operating, meeting other people's expectations, or some external expectation, or I'm operating with the shoulds. I should be doing this. I should go get that job. Time and time again, I'll ask you know, how did you end up with my doctors? How did you end up in the medical field? Well, I was told that was what I should do, right? And there wasn't actually a moment where they sat down and really felt aligned with it from the inside out. And it doesn't mean that they're in the wrong profession. What it means is oh, this is an invitation for us to maybe dive deeper and in mind for that gold and figure out what parts of their work do they actually align with and are meaningful for them. So we start moving out of the blondness into interconnectedness.
Speaker 1:I love that because I think that there's so many times that that I'll talk, you know, there's so many times that that I'll talk, you know, with my clients about, um, that the way that they feel, you know, is it really does matter, that we know how we feel and that we name that because maybe you're in a job that you do have a lot of things that you love about it and you do have a lot of success in in that. And I say job, but it really could be anything, just any any kind of you know, success. And I find this with moms too. Like they they always wanted to be a mom and they love their kids and they love being a mom. But it's so overwhelming and it's so hard that how do you enjoy something that that's hard, you know like, and that maybe we should like it if it's hard. Even if it's hard or like if it's hard, then we're not doing it right.
Speaker 1:Like there's so many things in our in our brains that that give us all kinds of crazy stuff and sometimes it just takes really not very long at all to to figure out what are the things that I love about being a mom, what are the things that I love about being a doctor, what are the things that fill me up about this job or success or whatever? And then is that happening? Is it happening still, like maybe you have a situation you know, we'll just take moms, for instance. When they were little, I loved it when they would come and sit on my lap and we would snuggle and we would, you know, have that closeness and that connection. And and now they're 17 and they don't want to sit on my lap and they don't want, you know, mom around and you know whatever. Right, I think that to your point, like that's an invitation for you to to give yourself what you need and figure out what that is. And how do you connect with a 17 year old?
Speaker 2:Yes, I love that example because right through that example it's the it. It says I really loved how they would sit on my lap, which is amazing. And then you dive one level deeper because what was happening? Well, I felt connected to them, amazing. Now we know that the need is connection. Okay, so they're not going to sit on my lap. How else can I connect with my 17 year old? Because that's what I'm really needing is connection. And then we get, we get creative about different ways that we can connect with a 17 year old it.
Speaker 2:It's really important to say we can still get that thing, especially for moms. We can still get that thing, especially for moms. We can still get that thing that we were needing. It's just going to look differently and but but that's why it's so important to be able to name what it is that you need. Coming home to self right, what is it that I need? What is it that lights me up? What is it that brings me joy, what is it that's meaningful to me? Because through life that might look different, but once you know what it is, you can get creative about how you're going to create it for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that you're. You're touching on something that maybe maybe people are hearing and maybe they're not is that the other person doesn't need to be different for you to feel connected. So a lot of people will say but they're not little anymore and that was how I they associate the the connection with the age of their child, and that they won't be able to feel that same connection to that child as an older child, right as a 17 year old. Instead, because they're doing all of the things they're doing, they're saying all the things they're saying, they're being all the ways, they're being right, Right, Right, right, in order for me.
Speaker 1:To feel connection, they have to do something different.
Speaker 2:Yes, and that's so. So much of the work is to recognize that. We have got to come back and recognize this is inside work. The other person isn't responsible for our feelings as much as we're not responsible for theirs. So they're going to show up as they show up and we get to decide how we're going to respond to that. So you're right, the 17 year old doesn't want to come sit on your lap Great.
Speaker 2:So how do you want to choose to respond to that? What if you had a conversation with them about something that they're interested in? What if you could connect with on that right? What if you recognize that they like, instead of sitting on your lap? They're really into I don't know golf. And so you decide we're going to go and we're going to do 18 holes together, and what is that? I mean we can connect over that. So it's it really comes back to I have ownership of this. I don't have to continually outsource that to the other person or make them responsible for how I'm feeling. That happens time and time again. This person made me feel that way. Well, there was. There's a feeling. They didn't make you feel that way. The response you're having to the feeling is creating that Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's such a a higher level of self-awareness, such a a higher level of self-awareness, and that that actually is one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about is, um, is self-awareness and what? What is self-awareness? And then, how do I know if I'm being self-aware or if I'm not being self-aware?
Speaker 2:if I'm being self-aware or if I'm not being self-aware. Yeah, it's such a great question. And there's so many levels of self-awareness because we have becoming self-aware of the stories we tell ourselves. We have self-awareness of you mentioned this, arathna feelings Like how do you feel?
Speaker 2:I mean, I am such an advocate of naming how you feel. I think it's so important because most of us don't. We go through the day we might gloss over it. I'm feeling anxious, but we really don't actually name specifically what we're feeling. And then you know we have this self-awareness around. You know, what is it that we want for ourselves? So we have the stories, we have our feelings, we have the thoughts we're having and then the goals that we want for ourselves. So there's so many levels of it.
Speaker 2:So when we're talking about self-awareness what I refer to it as is let's bring the subconscious or the unconscious to the consciousness, right. Let's bring some of those autopilot thoughts, the autopilot beliefs, and let's bring them to my actual. I recognize I'm having this thought. So one of the things in terms of just working with people dealing with anxiety or confidence or just any of those you know, burnout even it's we have to become aware of the thoughts we're having by acknowledging them and naming them, because once we acknowledge and name it now we have an opportunity to choose how we're going to respond to it, just like our feelings. Name the feelings. Self-awareness it says you know, throughout the day, check in how am I feeling? I am feeling fill in the blank, or a part of me is feeling fill in the blank. And then I always challenge people, take that the next step and say and it's telling me I need right, because now you're up-leveling the self-awareness, I'm not just not naming the feeling, I'm now also naming what it is I'm needing.
Speaker 1:I love that. I mean, the epidemic of anxiety is off the charts and I think if you know the way that you framed it is a really good way to frame it. I might steal that is, I'm feeling anxious and it's telling me that I need what? Yes, so in deeper, don't just I'm having anxiety. I need to get out of the situation that I'm in. I'm out Dip.
Speaker 1:I used to do this in my own way and what it looked like for me is I would the visual cause I'm, you know, I, I think in pictures and I think most everybody does. But what would happen for me is I would, I would get whatever calendar full of things that would be happening and I'm going from this person to that person, to this task and event and whatever. My calendar is just completely full of all of the things. Right Right, work, family, church service, volunteer work, whatever, right Right, and I would. The way that I kind of see it in my mind is when you, when you're on the top of the hill and you start running down the hill and you don't really realize until you've gone end over end, that you know gravity takes, takes over, you start to go faster and faster and faster and faster until you just physically can't keep up and you go end over end Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that's what would happen to me is I would get my calendar so full and I would say yes to so many things. Because I I love being involved in things, I like being busy, I like doing things for people. It's it fills me up to serve other people and to be involved in things, and I mean I maybe could call myself a busybody to a fault, right.
Speaker 1:And I like being involved in all the things, and so I would say yes to things because I wanted to be involved but, never even consider the capacity that I have, and if I would actually have enough time to do said 75 things, right, right, and then my body would crash and in the way that it would. The way that it shows up for me is shingles. Believe it or not.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, your body's talking to you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yes, and I'm not old enough to be having as many belts of shingles as I've had, but that is how my body chose to wake me up.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's your body's communication, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, so I would get shingles, and then what I would do is I would just clear everything off. Everything goes, and it was like it was like I would take everything on the table and just dump it in the garbage everything, everything. It didn't matter if it should go in the garbage or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's just a massive garbage.
Speaker 1:It just all went everything out the door, it's, it's, it's done, and I feel like that is kind of the body's natural response to anxiety, stress, overwhelm, whatever response to anxiety, stress, overwhelm, whatever is just a dump, dump it all.
Speaker 2:Totally, totally dump it. Um, a lot of times we run, we just run away from it, completely, right. I mean, more often people will come to me and they'll say, kamini, I just, I'm such an anxious person, I just I want the anxiety to go away. And they're kind of shocked when I say, well, we're not going to run away from it, we're going to go towards it. Because if we go towards it and get curious with it and acknowledge it and recognize, wow, the anxiety is actually communicating to us, we can actually work through it. And, to be fair, anxiety to some extent keeps us a little. I mean, it keeps us safe at times, right, because just around being on a dark street in the middle of nowhere, late at night, you know, by ourselves, probably is keeping us a little safe right, keeping us alive, but I speak from experience because I own the fact that I'm an anxious person.
Speaker 2:I, absolutely I still have anxiety. We don't get rid of it. Instead, we learn to change our relationship with it and that's where the true like not just confidence, but like the true self ownership and self leadership comes from is when you change your relationship with these things. It shifts from a diagnosis and like this is what's wrong with me and I need to fix it shame based place into a oh, it's just a part of me and I can shift the dynamic and relationship I have with that part of myself.
Speaker 1:And I really feel like it's a communicator. Oh gosh, yes, yes, like the shingles for me is communicating with me, and the more it's like the, the, the kid, that's like hanging on your, your coattail, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, and they're trying to talk to you and you're doing the dishes, or you're on the phone or you're whatever you're doing, and they're trying to get your attention. And you're doing the dishes, or you're on the phone or you're whatever you're doing, and they're trying to get your attention and you're not listening. That's what was happening with me. And finally, you know, pops out with shingles and I have to listen and there's been so much I've learned from that about myself and how I handle stress and happiness, even, um, you know, grief, loss. I've got a lot of grief and loss in my, in my life, um, just different things. It's really helped me to be more aware of what I'm feeling and understanding where it's coming from and what it's telling me.
Speaker 2:Yes, I guess.
Speaker 1:I, I have. I just am so grateful for the things I've learned about it's game changing.
Speaker 2:It's game changing to your question originally around the self-awareness, and why it's so important is because of that. It's life-changing when we give ourselves permission to become aware, and I know it can be scary or just feel really heavy, but doing that work allows for so many things to shift, because we see it differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's so true and I love the analogy of it communicating with you, because we, a lot of us I mean all of us, really all of us will say that we don't know things Like I don't know, I don't know. Why is this happening, I don't know, what do you think you should do about it? I don't know, like you don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, and we don't like to not know. That isn't a good feeling to have, that I don't know, I don't know, I don't know and we don't like to not know that isn't a good feeling to have that you don't know the things.
Speaker 1:Nobody likes that, and so for me. I use my emotions to inform me about what I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yes, which is brilliant and so powerful? Because the emotions are showing up to give you that information, Because otherwise we are, we're stuck in our thoughts. But if we can use our emotions as those data packets to tell us what's actually going on for us, then we can take ourselves into action. We can actually figure out. Okay. Well, what's my next values-based step? I'm going to take ourselves into action. We can actually figure out okay.
Speaker 1:Well, what's my next values-based step I'm going to take? Yeah, yeah, I love it. And so what would you tell someone if? If they were like, if they're listening to us and they're thinking, well, I think I'm a pretty self-aware person, like I think I'm. I mean, I know what my emotions are. I mean, I know when I'm angry and I know what makes me angry. I'm self-aware, right, right, like what are some things that would tell you that you're not self-aware? Like what would be happening for you?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, what your, your examples, I think, spot on, because I think people time and time again. So again, I know when I'm angry. Amazing, I say to that, and what are some of the other feelings you're aware of? Right, like, what are some of the other things that you feel? Because most often they'll kind of look at me and they'll be like I don't really know, right, because the anger is the big one, right, that's the one that we've all been aware of that.
Speaker 2:Maybe we shouldn't be feeling angry, so that would be an indication. The other thing that I would say is great If you think yourself, it's amazing, awesome. Let's just build up on that and let's see if we can name how you feel multiple times a day. So don't just wait for yourself to be angry, just check in with yourself and name it. The other thing that I often say to people too is awesome and also just check in with how your body feels. Just tell me what you know, just be, just play a game with yourself and just check in with those sensations, because most often we go through the day and we actually have no idea what our body's feeling throughout the day, but that body is communicating before we even have thoughts about what we're, what we're experiencing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, for sure, yeah. So if there's somebody listening, I mean it's probably mostly women, because I, I attract the women because I style women and I'm a hairstylist for women. Like I mean, I do have some men, but so I mean I, I think I know what I would say if I asked myself this question as a coach. But I want to ask you. So if there's anyone that is listening, that is that's feeling like their life's pretty good. You know, they don't really have. They don't really have much. I mean, they have your normal emotions. They get anxious, sometimes they get angry, sometimes they have road rage, sometimes they, you know, yell at their kids, sometimes like you know, whatever, but they're they're, you know, overall they're pretty happy. Um, maybe they're like I'm good, is there? Is there an option that someone might consider, that there might be some things they could improve?
Speaker 2:I love that question because I think most of us are good, right, we're all, okay, we're all. None of us are broken, right, so one one. The first thing I would say is that's amazing. I'm so excited to hear that.
Speaker 2:And let's just play a game with yourself and let's you know, check in with your stuff every day. And what I mean by stuff is check in with those sensations. How's your body feeling? Are you holding any tension in your body throughout the day? Are you feeling anything else in your in your body?
Speaker 2:Just kind of do a body scan, so sensations, just check in with your thoughts during the day. What, what are the thoughts that you're having at different times of the day? What urges do you have to do or not do something? Just become aware of those. And then feelings, just make it a practice multiple times a day, maybe, as you're driving to work or driving the kids somewhere, you have to get in the car anyway, so you might as well go ahead and put the seatbelt buckle in and ask yourself gee, how am I feeling right now? See, if you can play that game with yourself, so you're checking in with your stuff, that would be an invitation to just really understand on a deeper level. So, yes, you're doing fine, everything is okay, great and just get more curious. Just see if you can take it one level deeper.
Speaker 1:And I don't think we're looking for problems.
Speaker 2:We're not looking for problems.
Speaker 1:We're looking for awareness and growth.
Speaker 2:I think Absolutely. That is the one thing that I say to people time and time again when they reach out to work with me is this is not about fixing. This is not about there's something wrong with you or that we have to look for the problems. It's let me get curious and understand what is going on and what could potentially be even better.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. I think that most healthy and even semi-healthy humans have dreams right Like I wish this was happening or I wish I could make this happen or I wish I could have this. So if there's any kind of dreaming, what if they just feel like that'll never happen?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, that's been me at times. Oh gosh, that's been me at times. Right, I think we all do. I think it's part of the human experience Like, oh, that'll never happen. And so sometimes what I say to people is take that dream and see if you can break it down into smaller, bite sized pieces, because maybe it does feel too big. Ok, so what, what if you broke it down into the smaller milestones and just took a stab at that first milestone, and maybe we don't have to be so attached to that outcome where we're saying that'll never happen. Maybe we challenge ourselves to be part of the process. Just, I'm going to try this part of it and I'm going to work my way on that and I'll see how I enjoy that and then see if you can build upon that.
Speaker 2:I think so often we have these dreams. We equate it to, you know, a ladder, for instance. We have these dreams and so we're looking at the top. We don't just go from the bottom to the top. There are steps all along the way. And so the moment you're saying to yourself, oh, that'll never happen, okay, we notice it, we acknowledge that thought. It's just a thought. And then we can ask ourselves well, what if I just took the first step? What if I just did the very first thing? And I just focus on that for right now.
Speaker 1:I love that and you touched on I mean, we didn't say the words, but the belief that you can't achieve it, like it'll never happen. You know, I have this thing and it's a wish, and wouldn't that be nice, but there's no way that that would ever happen for me, or you know, whatever, and and I would I would say that that would. That's a limiting belief, a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:Yes, so if what would?
Speaker 1:you say if, like I'm, I'm thinking of the person that feels like you know, yeah, they've got some dreams. They've never said anything to anybody about these dreams, they've just tell them to themselves. They really want to, you know, achieve something, or they really want something that they don't have. Whatever it is, big or small, doesn't matter. But even just thinking it feels what's the word that I'm, that I'm looking for, Not scary, but almost disappointing, because now you know that you know, now you know you have that and you just don't ever, don't feel like you could ever get to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how would you define that in a limiting belief type? Because that's what it is it's a limiting belief that you can't achieve something, right, right?
Speaker 2:But you usually. Yeah, Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
Speaker 1:No, you're good, you have to. You have to think at some point that you could get it before you go ask for some help to get it Right.
Speaker 2:Yes, and here's the thing At some point there was a part of you that thought that it was possible, because you had the dream to begin with, and it's important to pay attention to that. There was a part of you that believed that that was possible and this other part of you that has the limiting belief came online and, as a protective mechanism, led you down the road of that's not possible, because it's trying to keep you protected from disappointment. It's very important that we all have these parts, and the way we work through it is to then talk to that part that came online and really get curious of where did that story come from? Because most often we can track it back to something earlier on in life where we were told something or we had an experience and we made it mean these things aren't possible for me. Sometimes it takes the shape of I don't deserve it, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, whatever it may be. It's important to bring that up into the awareness because now we can challenge it.
Speaker 2:We talk to that part and we say, well, that might have happened then. But what's true about me today? What do I know to be true about what I've learned? What's true about me today, what do I know to be true about what I've learned? What are my core strengths, character strengths, what is actually true about me? And as we talk to that part and recognize that's just the old story, we can re-invite the part that had the dream to begin with, to come back into the room, so to speak, and remind that part. We have all of these potentials that we've realized about ourselves. And then we go back to what I said earlier. Then what's going to be my first action step that I'm going to take? Not the whole thing, just the first one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that because I think that the dreaming is kind of one of my superpowers I love, I, I, I think I'm, uh, just wired, hardwired to dream, right, and when I, when I talk to to people and clients of mine that have a hard time dreaming it, or they have a dream but they, they don't feel, um, confident enough to say it out loud.
Speaker 1:I think that part of you that has that dream wants to be heard, yes, yes, that part that is a part of you, that is an as an important part of who you are, important part of who you are, and it wants to be heard. It's the toddler that's pulling on your, your coat, saying I want to be heard, I want to be heard, I want to be heard. Yes, it's like keeps coming the dream, like, oh, I wish I could do that, or, someday, I wish I you know I, I might be able to have this or that or the other. I want you to think about it as that toddler that's that's trying to get your attention.
Speaker 2:And that part of you is an important part of who it is Such an important part. It is such an important part that's when I talk about self-acceptance with people too, I really refer to this that we've all these parts and we have to welcome them all in Right, and what happens is, is that fear of failure, potentially, or that fear of disappointment, pushes that part out of the room, and we just need to invite that part back in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I don't like failure myself and and um doing this, this job of mine and learning the tools that I've learned, has helped me to be able to um work through failure better. But I think, as humans, we just naturally, as a protective mechanism, are going to shy away from things that are going to create failure. Right, yes.
Speaker 1:So this is probably more for me in this moment than it is for our listeners, but like give me a little pep talk, Like tell me why I want to go towards the failure. Why do I want to go towards the failure? Why do I want?
Speaker 2:to invite failure. Oh, as a perfectionist myself, terrified of failure for all these years, and I will offer up what has been really a shift for me, which is failure doesn't mean a period, end of the sentence. Failure has become a comma where I then say and what can, what did I learn, what can I take and what do I choose to do now? For me it always growing up, failure meant that, like I said, it was like the end, it was okay, all is lost. And I had to learn to shift it into.
Speaker 2:Like I mentioned, we put a comma there and we say you know, start completing, finish the rest of the sentence. I had to spin it that way and look at it that way because for so long and again it's because I was so outcome focused it was I was so attached to one specific outcome, and just because that outcome didn't happen, that doesn't mean that something else isn't going to come out of it. And so it's a shift in looking at one outcome as the success and instead it's the whole journey. There's this whole lifetime to happen, and maybe I was too attached to one specific thing and called that a failure, when in fact that was my launching off point for something else.
Speaker 1:I love it. I think there's so many people that can benefit from that, because I'm I'm sitting here thinking in my own life Okay, all right, I kind of see what you're saying about there. There's other ways to do things and there's probably other ways to to see things, but but I kind of liked the way that this thought of mine, the way that I want it to turn out. I kind of like that, that result. And if I don't get it, then I don't know that there's something else better. Are you telling me that there might be something else that's better than what I love? And I love what you just said.
Speaker 2:I love what you just said, but I don't know that there is right Cause we're looking for certainty. We're looking for certainty. Instead, it's it's, it's recognized like oh, there's the part of me that wants certainty and I was so certain that this outcome was what I wanted. But were you really? Because if it didn't work out that way, then what if there's something else beyond that? And this has happened time and time again, even in growing a business for me it's like well, it needs to look this way, and if it doesn't, then that's a failure. And instead it's oh, that didn't work out. But if you again mind for the gold, look for it and be like well, what did happen? Oh, this other, like two or three things happened and, oh my gosh, that's a whole different idea that I hadn't even thought of. And oh my gosh, there's all this possibility that's even greater than the thing that I was shooting for in the first place yeah, I think that possibility is the secret to the universe oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yes, because possible yeah, because we're so outcome driven. I really do think that that is a human thing, because then we have the evidence. Then we have the evidence that we did the thing. Yes, yes, like the grade at school. I got the grade at school that told me that I know the thing, but I turned in the paper that I did what I was supposed to, that I was a good little girl. You know that I followed the rules or whatever.
Speaker 1:There's so much around it, right, right, right. And so when we go after something that that is part of our dream, we know that we have to do and learn. And like I'm learning the skill sets in my business, of the business, part of my business, right, like I can do the styling and whatever in my sleep. I've done it for so long that it's automatic almost. You know there's certain parts of it that aren't automatic, but most of it is right. But to make it profitable, I don't know any of that stuff I do. Now I mean, I've had to learn so much of the things and it's so painful and it doesn't work out and it's hard, and then I have evidence that I didn't do it right. Then I have evidence that I spent so much time and didn't get the result I wanted. So how do I turn that time that I spent doing the thing into possibility instead of failure?
Speaker 2:So and you said so many important things just right there, but you said I have all this evidence of I didn't. I didn't get to that thing, great. And what evidence do you have of the things that you learned along the way? What evidence do you have of the things that you discovered about yourself or discovered about the process? And part of what we're dealing with is our brains are built for that negativity bias, where we're built to look for the things that went wrong, because that's evolutionary.
Speaker 2:If we look at like thousands of years ago, we had to scan for the things that could potentially hurt us. So that's what we're doing. It's that protective part coming back on, where I look at all this evidence that this didn't work out. We're never going to try anything again because we don't like disappointment. My challenge is to say I see all of that, I acknowledge all of that and also, let me just spend a little bit of time scanning for what I did learn along the way, the pieces that I did pick up. And then we have this opening to say, okay, now that I have those puzzle pieces, could I put them into a possibility pile and see what I could create out of this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think what you're, what what we're talking about here is just at least, this is the way that I think about it is it's just a decision to shift from a victim mindset to things are happening to me mindset, to a growth mindset, which is what can I learn from the things that are happening?
Speaker 2:Yes, and the way that I would I would offer that up is it's not happening to me, it's happening for me. So if it's, if it's now, now, failure is not even on the table, because everything that occurs is happening for me. So if it's happening for me, I couldn't possibly have failed. What I did was learn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. It's that communication of you know your body is communicating with you, your emotions are communicating with you. It's that same. It's the same concept. Talking about it in a different way is the things aren't coming at you and happening to you. They're happening for you to be able to learn how to then take that and make something awesome out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and can you imagine the shift that happens even I mean, if you think about this in your own body oh, you know, this failure happened to me, or that outcome happened to me versus oh. The outcome this failure happened to me or that outcome happened to me versus oh, the outcome was for me. So if we're now saying the outcome was for me, it it feels different, in like even our core, where if we say that outcome happened to me, it's like oh versus oh. That happened for me, it's like oh, okay. How is it? How does this benefit me? We already are looking for the benefit rather than what's wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, curiosity, yeah, curiosity and possibility, I think, are really beneficial emotions to try to tap into. And I think, if it's not something that you've ever even considered, is something that you could, you could um go towards and that you could invite in on purpose, then it might feel like, well, that's nice for you, but that doesn't happen for me. But I really do think it's a decision, it's a choice.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely it's a choice, it's a decision. I'm deciding that I I want one. I want to become more aware. I'm deciding to make this shift and I'm deciding to see what else is possible, like what else is out there for me, especially if we're feeling apathetic or we're feeling stuck, that really is a door opening and it's up to you to walk through it and to say, okay, I want to see what else is out here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, one of my coaches that I I love, I love her, her mindset. She, she'll say often when you're living in breakthrough, magic is happening. And I understand the words but I didn't understand, like really, what she was talking about until recently. And I have had lots of times when I've been living in breakthrough. I have had lots of times but I didn't recognize it, that that's what I was doing and I didn't recognize the emotions that were created and then what I was able to accomplish with those emotions until recently when.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about how am I creating breakthrough so that I can live in breakthrough, right and like what that means to me and honestly, it's, it's possibility. When I think there's possibility and I can see it, then I go towards it automatically and I start creating stuff that creates movement, creates, you know, intentionality, it just it feels. It feels like a forward motion. And if you think about like, like when you feel blah and we talked about like, you feel kind of stagnant, you just kind of feel stuck. If you feel those feelings, those are like heavy, kind of like they're just heavy emotions, yeah, right, right. But when you, when you think about being curious, you think about possibility, I feel like that is a forward motion, like it feels not like necessarily that it's that I'm being pulled. Necessarily it feels like I want to move forward.
Speaker 2:What do you think? Oh, absolutely, oh, absolutely. When I feel, when I hear, or I even felt, if I feel stuck or stagnant, it feels like I'm I'm like sitting in molasses or it's just like you know, you just feel like this blah feeling of um, yeah, it's just heavy, it's a heaviness and I can't really move, and I'm a visual person too, and when I think of what else is possible, it's almost as if there's like this balloon that's attached to me, that's like saying okay, let's lift you up and look and see, you know, giving you the bird's eye view that feels so much lighter and that you're drifting along forward in a forward motion. To me, those are the two distinctions that happen, and that, for me, has always been my kind of kick in the butt, so to speak. When I'm really in my feels of oh, I'm just so stuck I don't know what to do. It happens to all of us.
Speaker 2:The one simple question is okay, kamini, and what else is possible? Or can I look at this a different way? Either one of those two ways of just shifting what's going on in my thoughts says okay, yeah, I acknowledge that I feel stuck right now. I acknowledge this, I'm not fighting it. I'm just saying, yeah, that's here. What else is also possible, though? Just offers this opportunity to just be a little bit imaginative and say, look, maybe. And then you come up with a couple of different things, and that's usually as you're mentioning. It's like. It's like it lifts you up and says, okay, well, let me float towards that, because it kind of feels lighter, it feels a little more inviting than just being here in this sort of dense space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I love that and I'm I appreciate the conversation because I don't know that I've I've really framed it this way before and I really do think that words matter and the way that you describe things matter. I really think it matters, matters more than more than the world wants it to. I've had people tell me, um, like just recently I was explaining something, and one of my neighbors, one of my friends, um, said I, you just described things really well. Like the way that you um express how you feel is is really um I don't remember the words that she is like, it's, it's just really good. I, I, I know what you're talking about. It's very um, clear, right, and I think that that comes from understanding how I feel and being able to name it.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my, it's how we, when people really say I I'm not understanding my partner, or I can't seem to communicate with my friends, or I'm struggling in the workplace or whatever, even with my kids, I can't seem to get them to understand me. We have to come back to ourselves, going back to the beginning of our conversation. When we understand what's happening for us, we have words to actually communicate it to the other person. That's why it's so important to come back home to self, because that's where it all begins. But yes, once we know what's happening for us, that clear communication becomes so much easier and we can really frame it in ways that allow people to feel in dialogue with us instead of on the defense with us, because oftentimes, when we don't know what's happening for us, we put everything on the other person. We'll use a lot of you statements, the other person shuts down and nothing gets accomplished, versus when we know what's happening for us, we tend to lean into I statements and dialogue can actually happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, I love it. I think that that that's% 100%. As you were talking, I was thinking of some recent relationships and friendships and different communications and and whatever, and I feel like the what used to be a situation that would end in hurt feelings and maybe some elevated sounds, voices, right, um, has actually been more of a connecting conversation, because I can, I was, I have been able to express how I feel. This is how I'm feeling right now and I am in this state, feeling these things, and it allows the other person to see me.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and this is something that I just actually had to. I was dealing with with my youngest. He's 11. She was in her big feelings and she was very upset about a project that she her paper. She had not started writing and we were at Sunday and she had had this all this time with her friends and we'd had a conversation on the Friday before about we have this plan for Saturday and she was having her moment and I was able to name I'm feeling really frustrated right now because it and I was able to name it like because I really needed us to have a plan and I just explained it to her.
Speaker 2:It didn't solve her her big feelings in that moment, but she actually calmed down and actually heard and recognize, wow, mom's also having big feelings right now. And it shifted the dynamic. There wasn't yelling back and forth, it was just okay, we're both having some feelings, let's go process these things and then we'll come up with a plan together, but trying to if we, if I didn't know that taking, I mean, my oldest is 23. I know how I parented the first go round. It was definitely going to be some raised voices because I wouldn't have paid attention to what I was feeling. But that shift allowed for that dynamic, that dialogue, that communication and the relationship as a whole to have a completely different experience.
Speaker 1:Totally, totally, totally, completely. It's been same. I have four kids and my oldest is 23 and my youngest is 15. And I I'm a different mom to my younger ones than I am, than I was when my older ones were that age and thankfully they've told me that they don't really remember having problems, really Like they just know me as who I am. Thankfully they have rose colored glasses, I guess. But it's definitely something that I would encourage anyone that if they are having any kind of relationship trouble, problems, or if they feel stuck or stagnant or blah or just not excited about something Like if you're not excited about something, then reaching out and getting some help is going to be beneficial. It's only going to be beneficial for you to reach out and learn the tools, learn the skills to be more self-aware and understand your emotions and how you show up. And yeah, I just think it's such a good conversation. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about that we haven't touched on?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. I've really enjoyed this conversation. I feel like we've touched on so many things. I think the only thing that I would want to offer up is really give yourself grace. You know, as you go through the process and you do become self-aware compassion, self-compassion is really important in the process of it all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure we don't give ourself grace, and self-compassion is really important in the process of it all. Yeah, for sure we don't give ourself grace and self-compassion enough.
Speaker 2:We're really good with giving it to other people. We have to offer it to ourselves too.
Speaker 1:And you know what it feels great to give yourself compassion. It really does feel good, it really does.
Speaker 2:You know, and so often the pushback is well, if I'm too nice to myself or too soft, you know I won't. I won't accomplish the things and I just offer what's possible If you're actually nice and kind to yourself. Could there actually be more?
Speaker 1:opportunity and could it feel better along the way? Absolutely yes, yeah, well, this has been such a good conversation, this has been so good. I just appreciate you coming and I appreciate your um, you reaching out to have this, this discussion, and it was so nice to meet you and so good to hear your thoughts. And if there's people that are high achievers and they, they need some help and they're like how many was she was, she was all right, I liked her, I think that she had some some great things and I liked the. You know the flow and and they just have some good vibes from you. Where should I send them to find you?
Speaker 2:Send them over to my website, comedywoodcom, and even if they're just are thinking I want to learn more about myself. I just want to start that first process. There's a free ebook that they can download right from that website on limiting beliefs and maybe that's a good place to start.
Speaker 1:Yes, perfect, yes, I love that. Limiting beliefs is a good place to start. So I love that. Go to comedywoodcom, right, that's it. Yes, I will put it in the show notes so that they can spell your name right and all the things, so we'll put a link in the show notes for everyone to go and find you. Do you have Instagram handles that you want to share? I do.
Speaker 2:Facebook and Instagram is it's Authentic Me and I'm also on LinkedIn at Comedy Wood.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's Authentic Me and Comedy Wood. Go find her in all the places you guys. This is a good conversation to have and I encourage you to start down the path of self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-compassion all of the things and dreaming and getting those dreams that that you are dreaming, dreaming about. So thank you so much for coming. I appreciate it so much. Thank you so much. Are you ready to be the friend that's always getting compliments on how good you look? Say goodbye to frumpy, boring outfits and hello to endless compliments and newfound confidence in putting stylish outfits together. No more style dilemmas. There's a fashionista inside you and I'm the one who can help you bring her out. I've transformed countless fashion dilemmas into jaw-dropping outfits and I'd love to do the same for you. Go to sherrybraziercom, I'll be waiting for you.